After posting my last post, I decided to go and look for that previous post I said I did. And I found it. Needless to say, I am no longer bitter. But this did refresh my memory somewhat. I didn't remember the room number, forgot that I did not indeed touch her, and yes I will still admit that I cried as hard as the time my dad spanked me. 

Now that I think about it, she did suffer more than she needed to. But I still don't blame God for anything. I was actually happy that he gave her more time with us.

Current mood:crappy

I really couldnt believe that the phone call to my mom was the final notice.
MI TIA ROSALIA PEREZ
died on the 3rd of Febuary today in the morning.
it was shocking but i couldnt really feel anything when they called my mom. it wasnt until that i walked through the corridor, white walls with painted numbers.
Number 414, the number that will haunt me for while. she looked so uneasy when i went in to see her, and i knew that she suffered even to her last breathe. she was never given the mercy that she so desired. i couldnt even touch her, i thought i was gonna have my own panic attack when i got closer to her. i wont be afraid to admit it, i cried. i cried hard because i realize that i will never talk to her again, i will never see her outside watering her plants and yelling to me "Chulada!" the way she always did. i hate it that things went this way, but its God's plan and who am i to be selfish about it? i dont feel bitter, i dont feel angry, i truly do feel relieved that her suffering is over, and thats shes gone to a better place.
I miss you tia, and you know i will.

TU Chulada,

Kathy