Drips

I donated blood today. My first time too.
At first for some weird reason I was a bit scared. For one, a needle is going inside me, taking out blood, which is going out of my body. It was just terrifying to even think of when I give out blood samples when I am at the doctor's.
So Rosie and I walked straight into the student center as soon as we were done with breakouts, hoping to get the whole draining of blood over with as quick as possible. Our appointment was at 12:15, so getting there early would mean us getting out early right?
Wrong, we had to wait for the people in charge of the blood drive to direct us where we needed to go. We walked straight from one station to another, interrogated, pricked on our middle fingers to check iron levels, and finally motioned to lay down and begin the drainage.
My blood pressure was surprisingly low, lower than 120 beats when it was stolic, and less than 80 when it was diastolic.
I think the only time it really hurt was when the needle went into my arm. The constant squeezing of the tiny heart in my hand kept me from thinking about anything that was going on. And I wanted to honestly sleep on that flat bed, it wasn't comfortable or anything like that, I was just really tired.
It was all over in a matter of minutes. And the woman that took my blood even let me hold it and take a picture with it. I smiled from ear to ear and posted the pic on my tumblr. I really felt accomplished.
But now, I am sporting a minor headache, and water is filling my gut to the point that I feel like I am going to pop like a cell does when it has too much water in it (I think that's called hypotonic, thank you biology for being useful... sometimes).
Would I do it again? Would I give blood to save three more lives?
Yes, even if it gives me a huge headache. Because of this reason and this reason alone: There may come a time when I'll be needing someone else's blood, and I hope there are other selfless people out there to scratch my back when I need it.
Plus, they give out free food and a t shirt afterwards. And I love free stuff. :P

C.O.D.B.O.

Fuck yes Jorgie and I have that game. He is beyond skilled when it comes to video games. And I, well I do enjoy watching.
Well I also play. I am nowhere near his amazing mad skills but what I lack in gaming, I make up with writing, reading, and being active.
But seriously I began playing the campaign mode to begin with and it has this level of Cuba in the Bay of Pigs, and the primary objective is to assassinate Fidel Castro. Talk about knowing that you are going to fail. Well, as far as the scenery goes, the angles and the picture is crisp, so much more that M.W.2.
If anything go buy it and see for yourself.
The only thing that pesters me is the fact that you need to buy your weapons this time around along with unlocking them with every level you gain. Needless to say it is a pain, but so worth the playing.

So I started a Tumblr

Technically it's still a work in progress.
I honestly can say I do not know how to feel about it, being that I haven't done much to it, just gave it a header and a few more applications. I posted a twitter feed as well as a facebook update. But if I feel as though I will get a little annoyed with the anonymous postings. I swear if anyone asks me if I like thumb in the butt I'm disabling it.
Anyway hope to see anyone that likes to read this blog there
premeritalove.tumblr.com
I'll still keep this one updated. I just don't know what I'm getting myself into. I mean, a journal, a blogger and a tumblr? I don't even write this much!

Ten Minutes

To talk about life and post it.
Well what is there to say about life? We are born into this world, taken in by DNA from dear old mommy and daddy or the neighbor and mommy. But one way or another we're given something. A soul, many call it. A life every one says.
And then the age old question: what happens in our life? Whatever you make of it. You can be a pilot, a teacher, a garbage man collector. The options are plenty. And it all depends on what you love, versus how far you would go for attaining such a love.
Not many people realize that what they love is often confused with whom they love. Who a person loves and what a person loves to do are two completely different things. But then they show their love and nine months later, neglect and abuse are born.
And then you hopefully see them grow up to be what you could never achieve. Hope and pray they don't turn out to be like you. And then they live their lives and you never did or allow history to repeat itself. In the end it all goes down to how you raise the child. How you want to at least.
And finally, death. Sweet sweet release of depression and angst that went on in their lives. But in the end, they can look back and see what they did. Many will wish that they made different choices. While others would nod their heads and say look at all that I did in my life.
I hope I get to do that too when it comes for me to jump ship.

A man's world...

Today in Physical Education class, we got into the universal topic of men vs. women. Who was the superior race and what not. A bunch of words were thrown back and forth and it got me thinking: do I myself, wish that I was a man? Would I be more content as being a man?
Well, it's not easy being a woman. I mean you have to clean, cook, raise children, please the husband, work, be everything that many others lack. Have patience, be respectful, mindful of what you say, try to overcome in a man's world.
Would it be easier to be a man? To be overpowering on women, making babies without taking care of them? To be able to do things like stay out until the next morning because there is nothing at stake? Sure. I'm sure that it would be easier to not have to worry about putting on make up and doing my hair to look pretty and wear clothing that would attract a mate. I wouldn't even have to work hard at a relationship because when I get tired of the woman in my life, I could just get up and leave. Being a man means not having to worry about anything, except themselves. Selfish beings we all are, men and women, but the main difference is, women have to stop with the selfishness the minute life grows inside of them, because unlike a man, a child is a life brought into this world at the expense of the word love. And wishing nothing but the best is what a mother needs to do, not should do. NEEDS TO.
But deep down, no matter how easy it is to be a man, I think it's a blessing in disguise to be a woman. We have it hard, that much is true, but we also have something that man can never attain: perseverance. The strength to overcome a man in this man's world. To not just be a woman trying to survive, it's to want to live and prove that we are all equals in this world.
I am Woman, hear me roar with an intensity that shakes the very fabric of sexism.

Pride

If there is one thing I can be proud of, it would be the fact that I just overcame an obstacle of epic proportions. That's right, Biology.
I was never the sharpest tool when it came to such a subject, but I needed to apply myself or else face another failing exam. I couldn't have that on my conscience.
So, after a fun night out of trick or treating, I applied myself, reading my biology notes, memorizing formulas, terms, and numbers of ATPs. It was a tiring night, but I memorized enough for a good night's sleep.
The following morning (which was today in the morning), I arose, fresh faced and ready to continue my studying streak, jotting down quick notes to further enhance my memory about it. Breaking a sweat did not come as easily as expected. I managed to drive with precision as I swerved from lane to lane to arrive around ten minutes early to have a quick cramming session.
Then when the test was placed on my short desk handle (because I'm gonna be honest. That is not a desk. Not even close. It's just a stupid handle that cant even hold a full spiral notebook.), I recognized the questions and answered with terms that I didn't even recognize. My hand had a mind of it's own as it wrote down the formulas, the terms. And when I reached the question that demanded the citric acid cycle I wanted to punch that professor in the face. He told us not to worry about the citric acid cycle!
To say that my confidence felt shattered was an understatement. I wanted to just throw in the towel right then and there. But then something happened. I continued answering other questions that I knew about, reading one after another that demanded. I supplied.
In closing, I picked up my test, more than half of the questions answered and bid that place that is known as Cossentine Hall room 100 adieu.
My held was higher than a giraffe's.

New York New York

What I wouldn't give to just get on a plane and run straight down broadway. I don't know what it is but recently i have been wanting to go to Broadway shows and seeing them. I don't even have to go to Broadway. I'll settle for a crumbling theatre in Los Angeles if it means that I can have the pleasure of seeing Spring Awakening, Avenue Q, The Lion King, Wicked, The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
So many shows so little time!
But most importantly, I would love to see Lea Michelle back on Broadway, or Idina Menzel, or I'll even settle for Jonathan Groff. Definitely Jonathan Groff. That man, even though he is gay is one sexy man. :)
I hope that dream of seeing the shining lights of Broadway will come true. If not I'll make it come true. I just have to. It's like going to Europe: it's something that must be done at least once in your life!
And Dammit I am going to!

Ugh Bio.....

Biology, or any science whatsoever, is something that just doesn't click with me. I can do awesome in writing, pretty average when it comes to math, but when it comes down to science, something just doesn't click in my brain. This will be the second time that I take this class (because the first time I needed to withdraw because I couldn't make it work).
And now this year is not looking promising either.
Hopefully if i decide on taking some extra tutoring sessions I'll be able to get this whole study of life.

There so much work to do!

I have to finish all of my work like crazy! I haven't even done my poem analysis and still have so much to do. My screen is open to immigration papers, as i am typing furiously to finish my poems. Not to mention that I need to finish some papers for physical education. It's hard being a college student. I can be the first to attest to that. It's nothing but long nights of studying or writing, or finishing a project. I can't wait until I'm done and hold that diploma within my hands, clutching it with both of them as I inwardly shout, "I have done it."

working hard or hardly working?

I got a job recently at my school as a tutor supervisor. I have to make sure no tutors go astray as they teach students the factorings of the square root of 4 or the common denominators between 3/4 and 5/10. Each single little math problem that I ever came across with is the same thing that I have to teach all over again. And that's saying that I do not particularly enjoy it, but I do have an affinity for it.
In other words, I'm good at math.
While working here with the math tutors and such made me wonder if I should switch to Math entirely. And become a math teacher.
No. I love writing way to much to completely abandon it out in the middle of the street. But I do love my job. I love my tutors and I feel blessed to have such a wonderful job. :)

Sleeping, but wide awake.

Well it's around two days since my mom decided to get up and leave to go to Mexico to spend time with the family, and boredom is slowly creeping out of the crevices. Jorgie and I want to do something fun, but I always want to invite my dad with us so he can enjoy himself as well. But it's hard because what me and my little brother consider to be, well, funny, he doesn't. I guess you could say my dad enjoys clean humor mostly, and dark humor the second. And me and my brother enjoy pointless and stupid humor first and foremost, then other types of humor and finally clean humor.
We're not children, we like to talk about junk and women's areas, and other degrading things, but my dad still sees us as children, so to pull a joke about penises is not something we can honestly get away with.
But I still love my dad no matter if he don't approve of our humor, which is I have to agree downright degrading of each other (me and my brother I mean). I love both of these two for different reasons, even if their first names are the same, they are entirely two different people. But there will be a time when spending time together will make them see that they do have something in common with each other (like how my dad used to have buckets of hair attached to his scalp like my little brother has right now).
I'll be counting down the days when a father son bonding moment happens again. :)

I wish...

Someone here would be keeping me company. Like i wish i had someone to talk to while i was stuck at home playing house (and by playing house i mean cleaning it).
The only thing keeping me company is my trusty Mac (which fell on the floor and still works, talk about durability!!) :)
O well, onward to tackle the dishes, sweeping the rugs, and unclogging the toilet (not really in any particular order).

This house is more than a home...

I went to the airport today, but not before I had to take a quick detour to the dentist (which my tooth is still hurting, hoping that these two days aren't painful).
I arrived at 10:00 A.M. on the dot. It wasn't until I was there that I found out I was over an hour early, because my grandfather's flight was not coming until 11:15. Needless to say I walked around, hoping to find food at the terminal.
I ate M&M's and a Coffee Bean caramel ice blended coffee. I intentionally wanted crackers with peanut butter but pushed the wrong buttons, swearing to myself when I realized the decision that I made.
And the coffee was too sweet for my taste. Normally I am a sour loving sport and it felt like they put nothing but sugar in that cup. Let's just say if I was diabetic I would already be in a sugary coma. :(
But I had to do things to occupy my time so that my grandpa can come through that terminal on his wheelchair. I was so happy to see him! Automatically I went by his side and wondered what new adventures I'll take on with him when we get home.
My grandpa normally watches T.V. on a regular basis but on occasion we play dominoes or a card game called Con Quien. It's pretty fun, and it's a game based on strategy.
So it's easy to say, I am no longer alone these summer days. Because now I have my grandfather to keep me constant company. :)

What's real is always worth it...

I was looking through my closet (cleaning it out for a garage sale), and came across this cashmere sweater. It looks exactly like this. And I thought to myself: why am I still keeping this? I mean I don't wear it at all. I have never slumped it across my shoulders, even when it was time for sweaters.

The reason I grabbed it from my mother's pile of clothes that her bosses give her was because I read about it in a novel. White Oleander by Janet Fitch. If nobody knows the story, its about a girl whose mother is committed for murdering her boyfriend and her daughter is taken through a series of foster homes, each one different from the next. It was an amazing read, and I love this novel with every fiber of my being. I just love the way Astrid (the daughter) is so hollow and then becomes such a complex person through each of the encounters she comes across with. 

Anyways, on with the reason I am talking about this sweater. One of the maternal figures (who was actually a whore so I don't know if she can classify as a maternal figure but for the sake of argument I'll label her as such) buys her a cashmere sweater, claiming that what's real is always worth it. And its true, because cashmere sweaters costs a bunch! But overall, this simple sentence made me think, if what I want in life is not real, then why waste my time on something that is not worth it? 

So there really should be no reason for having a sweater that I don't use. I would rather sell it to someone that will take it out into the sun. Like the last foster mother said to Astrid, "You want to remember, just remember..."

I'm Baaacckkkk...

Sort of. I have been writing on Fanfiction.net for a while (making stories and what not), so I had to put the bloggin in the back seat. But now, I feel as though I have been neglecting this blog. But I do still wish to write on this page so that has to give me some credit right?
What also has been going on is too many family problems to even count, so instead of displaying my emo-ness to the world, I have been incessantly writing away in a journal. I'm thinking of hitting up Tumblr to make a journal there but also being able to publish public posts.
But I can't find it to quit this blog, since its a first one and even though it has been little over a half year that I posted anything, it's still a blog and therefore a part of me.
So I'll still keep to writing here once in a while. But it will probably for random thoughts or something. Tumblr will possibly be my everything else.
So for now, I'll be seeing you.
It's a shame that I have not said anything about my summer. But frankly, it was not at all interesting. On the bright side there is still a few days (one month to be exact) that I have left so hopefully there will be something interesting between that time and the time I go back to school.

so cold... and alone...

Well, to start off, my fingers are numb to the point I feel as though I have arthritis. It does not feel good at all. :(

And also, I am yet again alone before I head off to go to work. I really miss my mommy and daddy, because at least I would have someone to call me and tell me they are on their way home. I mean I don't mean to be a selfish person, I am happy (not ecstatic) that they took some time off and went to Mexico, but
I really wish they would have taken me with them. :)

I am guessing this is how all my Tuesdays are going to be. Just television as the only companion. :/

Raising the Right Hand

Well today I had Jury Duty. You know, that thing where you take a day off work to go try and accuse an innocent person. Or one that deserved it. Either way, I was stuck in doing this for the fact that I have already skipped out on it once.

Personally, I think I would enjoy doing jury duty, if nothing was conflicting with my schedule. But seeing as though I am a full time student with a scholarship depending on whether I do good in school, I would rather wait until I become another fellow government drone like the rest of us out there just to put food on the table.

Well on the sour note I awoke with a bummed out personality. I was nowhere near happy nor excited to go to jury duty, from what I would hear/see.

The drive there was easy until I went into the downtown area known as Market and 14th street. It was around 7:50 and I still had to park and go to JD. When I found the parking structure they announced that they were no longer giving JD parking passes. I was officially screwed into paying the 8 dollars and no change for the entire day.

After parking and getting even more bummed about having to pay for parking seeing as though I was already late, I arrived in the building, to almost forget my keys and iPod in the little basket in which you have to place your items to go through the metal detector. Then upstairs I went to see what was in store for me.

I waited in the lounge, and waited, and waited some more, listening to the disqualifications and what not. Until they decided to get the show on the road by being sent to room 45 on the 4th floor. She made us remember this for like the millionth time.

Once entered the jury room, we all had the opportunity to go and talk to the judge and give our excuse for the day for the reason we could not attend JD for around 2 weeks. I was hearing what people were saying and listened to the judge further interrogate them. When he came up to listen to my dispute I didn't even last a minute, while others were explaining and spewing their reasons for a dismissal. In the end my minute of fame let me off the hook. And now I am typing away how this whole JD thing functions. If you can go, go. If not, until next year. Go figure.

Well the good thing is they won't be bothering me for an entire year. O crap... :-/

NEW YEAR?!

I know what a shocker, considering that it is almost the two week marker since January 1st, 2010. 2 more years until the end of the world. yahoo!

Well anyways, I just thought I should mention that I have been a bit busy and sorry for shunning my blog. It makes me feel like a bad blogger, where some people have over 100 blogs, i haven't even reached 50. It's a bit difficult for me to blog when I am writing in my journal. But fret not, I will still stick to this, no quitting on me myself and I. And to add more fire to my flame I have resolutions to fulfill. I don't have my list planned out and I feel as though I shouldn't, for if I see it, it will make me not want to accomplish it. Although, I think it is a good idea to publish something every month at least and explain what I am trying to say. Like right now...

DO YOU SEE WHAT SCHOOL DOES TO ME!? I am not making sense, so I guess I will depart and see you all when I actually have something worth writing about. :)