I am almost complete with school.
I was wanting to talk about my rejection to Oregon MFA's program, but I just felt as though I knew that the rejection was coming forth. It's not that I was being pessimistic about it; I was being realistic.
I find it hard to say that I am done with school. I want to continue studying. I always said that if I could, I would stay in school all my life. I just love to learn.
But now, that dream of joining a Master's program at Oregon is shattered, so I have other ideas that are springing to mind.
When I went to talk with my advisor, she asked what I wanted to do with my studies and what plans do I have for the near future.
"I was thinking about moving into Los Angeles with my sister and start looking for jobs that can build me in experience with publishing and editing," I said. I didn't know what else to do if I wasn't accepted to Oregon. My life line was riding on being accepted.
"If you aren't accepted, have you thought of other things besides moving to L.A? Or even applying to a Master's program in Professional Writing?"
"Yeah, but thats if I don't have to pay. I don't want to get more into debt."
"Good point," she said.
"I heard you telling a student about wanting to teach overseas, I suppose I would want to go teach in Japan for a year."
"That's great!" she said. And opened up Dave's ESL Cafe. Now I am really contemplating it.
Contemplating is a bit of an understatement. I want to do it more than anything in the world.
I love learning. What better way than to learn from someone I am teaching? Teaching is not an issue with me. I have worked with students small and students big. Teaching English, although challenging, just excites me to the point I am oozing with the possibility of actually being accepted to teach overseas. If the MFA program didn't work out, there has to be a reason. This could be that reason. Or moving to LA, but I am opting for the more adventurous one.
Fingers are crossed.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
daylight savings time
I don't know if it was the alarm or the fact that it felt too late that I decided to wake up (by waking up, I mean feeling the soreness of my throat and my clogged nose make me get up due to suffocation) and begin my day. Apparently I was an hour behind everything. Instead of it being 7 in the morning, like I thought it was, it was 8 in the morning like the television, cell phone, and ipod said it was. I didn't hear it from anyone that daylight savings time came yesterday. I was surprised if anything.
Needless to say, instead of spending my time enjoying a cold Kix cereal bowl, still in pajamas as the straightener heated up in the bathroom with the broken toilet, I stripped off the pjs, unplugged the straightener, and grabbed my bag and a fruit to munch on as I drove on the way to school.
I was, and still am, in no good mood. To have the day just pull the rug from underneath you with such a force that you come plummeting face first into the floor was menacingly mean. And I'm sure DST is having a kick at seeing me frustrated and running around in the morning.
I can't wait for it to disappear.
Needless to say, instead of spending my time enjoying a cold Kix cereal bowl, still in pajamas as the straightener heated up in the bathroom with the broken toilet, I stripped off the pjs, unplugged the straightener, and grabbed my bag and a fruit to munch on as I drove on the way to school.
I was, and still am, in no good mood. To have the day just pull the rug from underneath you with such a force that you come plummeting face first into the floor was menacingly mean. And I'm sure DST is having a kick at seeing me frustrated and running around in the morning.
I can't wait for it to disappear.
Monday, March 05, 2012
I had a dream last night.
I can't say that it was a happier time, because the life that I am currently living is fun and happy too. But it did make me feel nostalgic. Nostalgic because it was how it used to be when I was a freshman in college, up to where I was a junior.
It was during those times because I was talking with people that I have not seen since that time. Believe me it was interesting to see those faces again.
It was my birthday party and we were celebrating in the garage like we always do. Everyone of my friends that were close to me were there. There was the one that didn't have a baby yet, one that wasn't pregnant. The ones that were still talking to each other, and the underage drinking going around.
When my other two friends came over, I knew I was dreaming. These two have not talked to each other in years. That's how I knew that I was dreaming. He was smiling and holding a poorly gift wrapped object while the other one smiled somberly and handed me a smaller present. The happiness upon seeing both of them still talking was the last thing I remember.
It made me reminisce about the old times, when I would tell people, "Hey, movie night at my place you in?" and everyone would be running down the street or driving up in their cars getting ready to veg out on the couch and just enjoy a movie.
My only question is, where did that urge to hang out go? Where did the friendship go? Is this what happens when you grow up?
It makes me sad more than anything, because I really do love hosting movie nights and seeing old faces. I just miss that.
I can't say that it was a happier time, because the life that I am currently living is fun and happy too. But it did make me feel nostalgic. Nostalgic because it was how it used to be when I was a freshman in college, up to where I was a junior.
It was during those times because I was talking with people that I have not seen since that time. Believe me it was interesting to see those faces again.
It was my birthday party and we were celebrating in the garage like we always do. Everyone of my friends that were close to me were there. There was the one that didn't have a baby yet, one that wasn't pregnant. The ones that were still talking to each other, and the underage drinking going around.
When my other two friends came over, I knew I was dreaming. These two have not talked to each other in years. That's how I knew that I was dreaming. He was smiling and holding a poorly gift wrapped object while the other one smiled somberly and handed me a smaller present. The happiness upon seeing both of them still talking was the last thing I remember.
It made me reminisce about the old times, when I would tell people, "Hey, movie night at my place you in?" and everyone would be running down the street or driving up in their cars getting ready to veg out on the couch and just enjoy a movie.
My only question is, where did that urge to hang out go? Where did the friendship go? Is this what happens when you grow up?
It makes me sad more than anything, because I really do love hosting movie nights and seeing old faces. I just miss that.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Lent
I will say it once and again that I am not as Catholic as so many out there are. I simply do not have that drive to be as Catholic based on the fact that I no longer feel like I should belong to a Catholic church.
Consciously, I will still raise up my hand and give the signal that means, "In the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit," but it's just out of habit. Also, I still believe that if I don't give out the signal in a Catholic church, God will shun me for being a bad Catholic.
But with Lent coming around again, I feel as though it is time to begin the matters of giving up things for it.
One of the usual things that I give up for lent is fast food, chips, soda, and candy. I strive to pull myself forward away from the greasy delicacies and ignore the sweet tooth for forty days. Sadly, I cheat and find loopholes like, "Subway isn't fast food," and, "I can eat this because it isn't fast food."
This year, I want to do that but also so much more.
For one, I spend a lot of time on the internet, just trolling around doing nothing productive on Tumblr, facebook, YouTube, or recently 9gag. Each website has taken over my time and effort to want to work out, or find a good spot to finish reading books that I have on my shelf and whatnot.
So here is my intentions of limiting my internet leisure time. I will not be accessing my facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, or anything social media for the entire day. It isn't until I fall asleep that I will decide to check it. And even then, unless it is important to check it, I will abstain if it means that I need to sleep or do something much more productive.
In other words, I am in charge of deciding whether or not I want to read posts or see feedback or watch videos.
I know that with Youtube it is very often that I will be checking, simply because that is where I normally get my news. So, yeah, I already know I am going to rule out that possibility of abstinence towards it. The rest I feel pretty confident.
Other than quitting the majority of the media cold turkey, I decided to sacrifice all types of meat, such as pork, chicken, and beef. I will not eat anything with meat for these next 40 days.
I will also still hold out on the usual: fast food, chips, soda, and candy.
A lot on my plate, I know. But, I feel as though this challenge that I have presented on myself will better help me get focused on me and what I need to do (or not do) in order to better accomplish and go out this year with a bang. (Bang meaning I am graduating and want to make sure I have an idea what to do once done with school)
Think I can do it?
Consciously, I will still raise up my hand and give the signal that means, "In the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit," but it's just out of habit. Also, I still believe that if I don't give out the signal in a Catholic church, God will shun me for being a bad Catholic.
But with Lent coming around again, I feel as though it is time to begin the matters of giving up things for it.
One of the usual things that I give up for lent is fast food, chips, soda, and candy. I strive to pull myself forward away from the greasy delicacies and ignore the sweet tooth for forty days. Sadly, I cheat and find loopholes like, "Subway isn't fast food," and, "I can eat this because it isn't fast food."
This year, I want to do that but also so much more.
For one, I spend a lot of time on the internet, just trolling around doing nothing productive on Tumblr, facebook, YouTube, or recently 9gag. Each website has taken over my time and effort to want to work out, or find a good spot to finish reading books that I have on my shelf and whatnot.
So here is my intentions of limiting my internet leisure time. I will not be accessing my facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, or anything social media for the entire day. It isn't until I fall asleep that I will decide to check it. And even then, unless it is important to check it, I will abstain if it means that I need to sleep or do something much more productive.
In other words, I am in charge of deciding whether or not I want to read posts or see feedback or watch videos.
I know that with Youtube it is very often that I will be checking, simply because that is where I normally get my news. So, yeah, I already know I am going to rule out that possibility of abstinence towards it. The rest I feel pretty confident.
Other than quitting the majority of the media cold turkey, I decided to sacrifice all types of meat, such as pork, chicken, and beef. I will not eat anything with meat for these next 40 days.
I will also still hold out on the usual: fast food, chips, soda, and candy.
A lot on my plate, I know. But, I feel as though this challenge that I have presented on myself will better help me get focused on me and what I need to do (or not do) in order to better accomplish and go out this year with a bang. (Bang meaning I am graduating and want to make sure I have an idea what to do once done with school)
Think I can do it?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Coughing and Sneezing
Sneezing and coughing.
Not a pretty sight at all if you ask me. The snot is seductively approaching your bottom lip and you forcibly wipe it away hoping it gets the memo. It doesn't as it playfully tries to follow the same path the previous boogers before it. They aren't so quick to surrender.
So you do the next best thing, take in a deep breath. As you do so, your lungs inhale with the sounds of a motorbike trying to come to life but lifelessly returning into pockets that are shaped in your nose.
The coughs that come out are not pretty either. You brace yourself to cover the shame with your hands, and desperately reach for the antibacterial green hand sanitizer that is conveniently sitting on your desk.
Use me, it says. You're all germy until you use me.
One pump later and you brace yourself for the next cough.
Only this time, the cough turns into a hack. Not a hack like the internet is so fond of. The type of hack where the sounds escaping from your esophagus actually turn up with a prize. A prize that is clear and gooey like the hand sanitizer or a light green silly putty.
You need this. You need it out of your system. That's the only way to get better.
You pop pills that are over the counter, wait for it to take effect, then wait another 4-6 hours for the next dosage. You want to say to yourself, I am not sick, it's just a little cold. But then your body hits you with a strong sneeze.
It's one of those sneezes that you need to control if you are in public. Not so much if you are alone in your room with your chicken soup and bunched up Kleenex tissues. When that sneeze hits you, your whole body convulses as your eyes close tightly and your head lunges forward. The debris of the sneeze is evident as you open your eyes and see the tiny specks of bacteria infesting the air. It's those types of sneezes that you have to watch out for in public, or else they will infect the rest of those around you.
You swallow the warm gunk back into your body instead of releasing it onto a tissue space that is conveniently lurking behind the desk phone. It's not on your desk, and the little packet of tissues that your mom gave you to stuff in your backpack was clumsily left at home. You regret not packing it.
Curse your constant bickering with yourself that you are not sick. You are.
And yet you are still in denial.
Because you believe the science that it is all mental rather than physical.
And your bones are obviously telling you it is physical.
Not a pretty sight at all if you ask me. The snot is seductively approaching your bottom lip and you forcibly wipe it away hoping it gets the memo. It doesn't as it playfully tries to follow the same path the previous boogers before it. They aren't so quick to surrender.
So you do the next best thing, take in a deep breath. As you do so, your lungs inhale with the sounds of a motorbike trying to come to life but lifelessly returning into pockets that are shaped in your nose.
The coughs that come out are not pretty either. You brace yourself to cover the shame with your hands, and desperately reach for the antibacterial green hand sanitizer that is conveniently sitting on your desk.
Use me, it says. You're all germy until you use me.
One pump later and you brace yourself for the next cough.
Only this time, the cough turns into a hack. Not a hack like the internet is so fond of. The type of hack where the sounds escaping from your esophagus actually turn up with a prize. A prize that is clear and gooey like the hand sanitizer or a light green silly putty.
You need this. You need it out of your system. That's the only way to get better.
You pop pills that are over the counter, wait for it to take effect, then wait another 4-6 hours for the next dosage. You want to say to yourself, I am not sick, it's just a little cold. But then your body hits you with a strong sneeze.
It's one of those sneezes that you need to control if you are in public. Not so much if you are alone in your room with your chicken soup and bunched up Kleenex tissues. When that sneeze hits you, your whole body convulses as your eyes close tightly and your head lunges forward. The debris of the sneeze is evident as you open your eyes and see the tiny specks of bacteria infesting the air. It's those types of sneezes that you have to watch out for in public, or else they will infect the rest of those around you.
You swallow the warm gunk back into your body instead of releasing it onto a tissue space that is conveniently lurking behind the desk phone. It's not on your desk, and the little packet of tissues that your mom gave you to stuff in your backpack was clumsily left at home. You regret not packing it.
Curse your constant bickering with yourself that you are not sick. You are.
And yet you are still in denial.
Because you believe the science that it is all mental rather than physical.
And your bones are obviously telling you it is physical.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day Through the eyes of a Fat Chick
Valentine's day. The day where cupid kick starts your hormonal engines into overdrive and forces you to secrete all these lovey dovey toxins.
That's if you are in a relationship. If not, then you secrete a different kind of emotion based solely on the fact that you are single: rage.
Which is strange. Why should the plus or minus of a person in your life ruin one day out of 365 (or in this case 366 because it's a leap year)?
I for one am single, but I feel far from forever alone memes imply. I have family that love me everyday, friends that show affection towards me and not to mention my own selfishness in brashly explaining that-case in point- I love myself.
I think that having all these other people extradite all this love around me brings happier times. It makes me have that faith in humanity because there is still love in the world. Can you imagine a life without love? Go watch Moulin Rouge and see what they have to say.
I love seeing love. I love the fact that people are in love. I don't like seeing people make out in the broad daylight. That is a much different type of love that has a more erotic aspect. I love seeing the couples holding hands. The small smiles they direct towards one another. The simple gestures of gentlemen acting chivalrous and the women daintily thanking them with a simple look. I love seeing those types of romantics out on the streets because that is a true example of a loving couple. They don't have to be all over each other to show that they love each other. They show it discreetly, as if that look is meant only for the one that they are with.
I don't believe that by having a relationship it would make you blissful and happy through all your days. If that is all that you have going for you, set your priorities in a different order. Don't breathe for another person; breathe for yourself. Be selfish and take the other's air supply because when it comes down to it, you are going to want it when the going gets tough *cough* ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE *cough*
I don't think of me as being cynical or neurotic on such a festive day. I just don't believe that you need one day to show a person that you love them. I tell my mom and dad (when I see him) that I love them. I don't need a day to tell me that. She pushed me out of her lady parts and he gave me my body type. I have to show that I love them everyday. And my sisters and my brother and my cousins and my nieces and nephews and whatnot. I love telling them and showing them how much I love them. I can't get enough sloppy kisses from my dogs. The wagging of their tails.
And don't push me in the closet just yet because I feel like I can go on forever right now. Love, to me, is unconditional. I love being in relationships but I won't make it the highlight of my life because there are other things that are far more important. I have school, I have work, I have friends. I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself but to add a relationship on top of everything that I have would just mean no time for me. And as I mentioned before I am one selfish being.
But would I like that special someone to bring me flowers or just a card or even just a hug accompanied by a kiss? Of course I would, who wouldn't?
But, I don't. And again, not killing myself over not having a boyfriend. I don't believe that I have found that person that gives me butterflies as well as goosebumps. That can trigger my mind with questions as well as trigger other parts of my body. I haven't met that person that makes me look at the world and say, "You are the nicest thing I have ever seen." I still haven't found what I am looking for. Not even sure that I will find it anytime soon. But I'm not depressed because I won't have someone to share all this love that I have for others. I will just give it away as I go throughout the day, and continue writing points of view revolving around what I consider important or not.
To all you singles out there. I love you. Happy singles awareness day. Take time in finding that special someone or stop looking so they can find you.
For the couples, happy Valentines day. Show them how much you love them without it losing a PG rating. Honestly no one wants to see that in public. We like to watch our porn behind closed doors.
For the haters, grow up. It's just another day. You don't like the smooching couples, look away. I'm sure if you stare at the sky you won't find anybody making out. Unless you see a cloud shaped like one.
That's if you are in a relationship. If not, then you secrete a different kind of emotion based solely on the fact that you are single: rage.
Which is strange. Why should the plus or minus of a person in your life ruin one day out of 365 (or in this case 366 because it's a leap year)?
I for one am single, but I feel far from forever alone memes imply. I have family that love me everyday, friends that show affection towards me and not to mention my own selfishness in brashly explaining that-case in point- I love myself.
I think that having all these other people extradite all this love around me brings happier times. It makes me have that faith in humanity because there is still love in the world. Can you imagine a life without love? Go watch Moulin Rouge and see what they have to say.
I love seeing love. I love the fact that people are in love. I don't like seeing people make out in the broad daylight. That is a much different type of love that has a more erotic aspect. I love seeing the couples holding hands. The small smiles they direct towards one another. The simple gestures of gentlemen acting chivalrous and the women daintily thanking them with a simple look. I love seeing those types of romantics out on the streets because that is a true example of a loving couple. They don't have to be all over each other to show that they love each other. They show it discreetly, as if that look is meant only for the one that they are with.
I don't believe that by having a relationship it would make you blissful and happy through all your days. If that is all that you have going for you, set your priorities in a different order. Don't breathe for another person; breathe for yourself. Be selfish and take the other's air supply because when it comes down to it, you are going to want it when the going gets tough *cough* ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE *cough*
I don't think of me as being cynical or neurotic on such a festive day. I just don't believe that you need one day to show a person that you love them. I tell my mom and dad (when I see him) that I love them. I don't need a day to tell me that. She pushed me out of her lady parts and he gave me my body type. I have to show that I love them everyday. And my sisters and my brother and my cousins and my nieces and nephews and whatnot. I love telling them and showing them how much I love them. I can't get enough sloppy kisses from my dogs. The wagging of their tails.
And don't push me in the closet just yet because I feel like I can go on forever right now. Love, to me, is unconditional. I love being in relationships but I won't make it the highlight of my life because there are other things that are far more important. I have school, I have work, I have friends. I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself but to add a relationship on top of everything that I have would just mean no time for me. And as I mentioned before I am one selfish being.
But would I like that special someone to bring me flowers or just a card or even just a hug accompanied by a kiss? Of course I would, who wouldn't?
But, I don't. And again, not killing myself over not having a boyfriend. I don't believe that I have found that person that gives me butterflies as well as goosebumps. That can trigger my mind with questions as well as trigger other parts of my body. I haven't met that person that makes me look at the world and say, "You are the nicest thing I have ever seen." I still haven't found what I am looking for. Not even sure that I will find it anytime soon. But I'm not depressed because I won't have someone to share all this love that I have for others. I will just give it away as I go throughout the day, and continue writing points of view revolving around what I consider important or not.
To all you singles out there. I love you. Happy singles awareness day. Take time in finding that special someone or stop looking so they can find you.
For the couples, happy Valentines day. Show them how much you love them without it losing a PG rating. Honestly no one wants to see that in public. We like to watch our porn behind closed doors.
For the haters, grow up. It's just another day. You don't like the smooching couples, look away. I'm sure if you stare at the sky you won't find anybody making out. Unless you see a cloud shaped like one.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Fighting Sickness
It's the last seven minutes before I am done with work. I just thought I would discuss my theories of battling sickness.
It comes to me because I am battling a little war myself with a sore throat and apparently another headache. What I have come to learn is that to be sick is a battle of wills.
If you tell yourself that you are not sick, you will be fine. You will carry on your day like you would any other day that you are not sick.
If, however, your attitude is sour, and you don't feel like you will be the victor by the time rolls around to when you have to apply yourself, you will lose everything.
Not everything like your house and stuff. I mean your mentality, your healthy glow that is gilded within a coat of bacteria infested corpse.
I am telling myself to this point that I am not sick. That the sore throat I am experiencing is just a nuisance. Nothing can put me to bed right now.
I have midterms to worry about, to keep me from caring much about a sickness.
It comes to me because I am battling a little war myself with a sore throat and apparently another headache. What I have come to learn is that to be sick is a battle of wills.
If you tell yourself that you are not sick, you will be fine. You will carry on your day like you would any other day that you are not sick.
If, however, your attitude is sour, and you don't feel like you will be the victor by the time rolls around to when you have to apply yourself, you will lose everything.
Not everything like your house and stuff. I mean your mentality, your healthy glow that is gilded within a coat of bacteria infested corpse.
I am telling myself to this point that I am not sick. That the sore throat I am experiencing is just a nuisance. Nothing can put me to bed right now.
I have midterms to worry about, to keep me from caring much about a sickness.
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