Never can say good bye

I have clothes in my closet and drawers that have been there since I was a freshmen in high school. I am soon to be a graduate in college with a Bachelor's in English writing. To say that I have a hard time getting rid of some clothes is an understatement.

I don't know what it is about my old clothes that gives me a hard time to throw into a black garbage bag and slump it away into the garage forgotten. They are clothes that I have ripped (like the edges of my jeans are always ripped because they are too long), no longer fit me (because obviously I have gained a tiny bit of weight), or I have no more use for them.

And now, I have a hoodie that I got my senior year of high school that has the majority of all these aforementioned problems.

I received my black 2008 hoodie in 2008 (if you can believe that) and wore that hoodie to no end. I was always kept warm and tightly snug in it, and it never gave me any problems.

Until I ripped it in my sister's gate.

That menacing death trap grabbed a hold of me and my hoodie, and like a martyr it buffered me and was wounded in the process.

That was the first hit it received.

Next, I started noticing that it was slowly peeling away at the pocket, like the stitching has had enough and decided to retreat and rebel. Soon, things were falling out of that pocket to the point where I couldn't trust my hoodie to hold my things anymore. I was saddened but still wanted to keep it around. The elastic was still strong.

But now, every time I place it over my head, the hole seems smaller. And when it is time to yank it off, it's like my head grew three sizes that night, like the grinch's heart expanded. It actually hurts to pull off my hoodie over my head now.

So, now that it is causing me pain because it no longer fits, because it's ripping, and because it is no longer useful, I have decided that it was time to throw it away.

"Can I throw it away for you?" my mother asked me when I got home from school yesterday. I told her that I was going to throw away my precious hoodie and she showed no remorse like I was exemplifying all week. On the contrary, she hates that I wear that infernal black glob that just makes me look fatter.

"No, I am going to throw it away," I said. And even as I said it. I just knew that it will take me a while.

I still haven't thrown it away. Granted, I haven't really been home to actually be sprucing up my room and such. But I know the reason.

It's just so hard to say good bye to something that you had for a total of four years. For a total of any years.

I never can say goodbye. And actually mean it. Because I know that I don't want it to be the last thing. The last moment. The last of anything. I want things to last a while.

Maybe that's why I still haven't thrown away much of anything. I just leave them in the garage and with time forget about them. I don't do the dumping. My mom does.

And she loves getting rid of old things that don't matter anymore.

Maybe I should just move on and buy me a new hoodie. One that she will undoubtedly hate.

I'm thinking a crazy scream out loud color. Like Pink. With my school's logo on it.

Let's see how long this one will last.