Milton is a tricky reading

I do enjoy a challenge. I have already labeled what I wish to read in the summer and I haven't even started my vacation yet. I feel it so close that I want nothing more at the moment. The first order of business is really reading Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained by John Milton.

At the present, I am jumping around because reading all twelve books and having other homework due is making it difficult to truly enjoy it. I really do enjoy the prose as well as the poetry that he conveys throughout the rest of the poem, but I am just as interested as how he pictured the fall of man and extended what is said in Genesis as the Original Sin of man due to a woman.

I have to hate and love the fact that man is placing this blame on us poor females, but also the fact that they blame women as bringing them down with us. But that is besides the point.

I didn't think that there can be angst and passionate carnal lust in an epic poem such as this until I read it with my own eyes. You see the innocent smile that Eve gives him in the fourth book, and see how Adam has initially transformed as he demands her almost. It was enticing, and I have to agree with my Young Adult Literature professor as she states that the innocent scene in book 4 was cute and lovable, but the lust scene in book 9 was loads steamier and the lyrical prose is much more enticing.

Even so, I want to reread this poem, alongside with Homer's Iliad and Odyssey because so much of it is intertwined within the other. That's why I say that Milton's readings can be difficult, because if you don't know your Greek history, you are going to have a hard time understanding what he is referring. Sometimes, even the references within my own book is lacking in description. I feel as though I need a Plato book in one hand, a dictionary in the other, and a bible to look up the verses that he is referencing towards on top of my head.

I can't wait for summer vacation in all honesty. It couldn't come any sooner and the anticipation is just as bad as it is because I am graduating this summer as well.

Ay, poor me, you might think. No I don't deserve pity. I just deserve more time to dedicate to reading. :P

Student Research Week

Student Research Week is coming up at my school, and my professor chose me (and a handful of others) to present some creative fiction or nonfiction pieces we have done. I offered to represent my humor writing course by presenting my final piece that I submitted at the end of the quarter. It was something that I slaved over and produced ten pages that I was fondly attached to. Imagine my surprise when she said that we have to shrink it to 5 pages. That's half of what I wrote!

I am not afraid of such a challenge, because I feel as though I can tighten my piece. I just feel as though I won't be able to include as much as I initially planned. I loved talking about my family and how their constant strain they put me through when they come over and I have mountains of homework that I have put off until the very last day (kind of like now how I have a Milton piece due and two books and so much work to organize etc).

This is something that I am just adding to the mountain pile. If only I had the heart to get a matchbox and light the sucker with fuel and watch it burn like the Joker. Unfortunately, I care. And this is something that I am looking forward to and hope to leave a dazzling impression on the group of people that go to hear me talk about the horrible virus that is sniffles.

Graduate and PhD?

I had to attend my senior seminar and we had a presenter come in from previous years to discuss how the class affected her in her career and her dreams. I couldn't deny that I was fondly moved as she discussed her inward struggle as she transitioned from a nursing program towards an English degree.

It inwardly made me reassess the process of how and what I wanted to do in my life with my career. I was always so hell bent upon going into publishing and editing, because I loved critiquing other people's works and loved reading, but now, I think I would want to go more into the teaching aspect of things. More so, I still wish to teach overseas and try to help spread my love of the English language.

But now, I would also consider going into a master's program here and studying for English Literature as I mold young minds that come here. I am sure that I would still be working as a student and possibly look for another area to work in, but a master's career never really strayed from my mind. And now, I am even considering a PhD in whatever I feel like specializing in. I think, however, that I would fall into a Greek Mythology category. If not, then Humanities like this presenter did. I don't know, there was just such a fascination that I developed in those 50 minutes of class time that made me reassess what it is that I want to do now. But it was as she said, "Never underestimate what you can do."

I don't underestimate my potential to do something great with my life. I do believe that God has a plan for many people in the world to do something great with their lives if they choose to do so. Maybe the reason that I don't have anything going for me other than family is because he wants me to do something that will be achievable and overwhelmingly positive?

Maybe he wants me to go into this graduate program, still working out my life to do something amazing. Maybe I was born to be a teacher and help young minds grow profusely. Maybe I have that unhidden potential to actually do more with my life.

Or I will crash and burn. But I won't know until I try.

Thoughts... as Spring quarter is my last quarter

Spring is here, the birds are chirping away the infinite end to my long line of education. I can't believe that I am one quarter away from receiving my Bachelor's degree.

And what do I plan to do?

Fly off to another country.

I do want to go teach English in another country, simply because I feel as though I am a liberated liberal that is up to the challenge. I am not afraid of trying new things, and my thoughts are still in bound to try and make something of myself.

I just hope I get the opportunity to do something as thrilling as teaching in another part of the world. Who knows, I might make something out of it. :)

One Final to go...

I am almost complete with school.

I was wanting to talk about my rejection to Oregon MFA's program, but I just felt as though I knew that the rejection was coming forth. It's not that I was being pessimistic about it; I was being realistic.

I find it hard to say that I am done with school. I want to continue studying. I always said that if I could, I would stay in school all my life. I just love to learn.

But now, that dream of joining a Master's program at Oregon is shattered, so I have other ideas that are springing to mind.

When I went to talk with my advisor, she asked what I wanted to do with my studies and what plans do I have for the near future.

"I was thinking about moving into Los Angeles with my sister and start looking for jobs that can build me in experience with publishing and editing," I said. I didn't know what else to do if I wasn't accepted to Oregon. My life line was riding on being accepted.

"If you aren't accepted, have you thought of other things besides moving to L.A? Or even applying to a Master's program in Professional Writing?"

"Yeah, but thats if I don't have to pay. I don't want to get more into debt."

"Good point," she said.

"I heard you telling a student about wanting to teach overseas, I suppose I would want to go teach in Japan for a year."

"That's great!" she said. And opened up Dave's ESL Cafe. Now I am really contemplating it.

Contemplating is a bit of an understatement. I want to do it more than anything in the world.

I love learning. What better way than to learn from someone I am teaching? Teaching is not an issue with me. I have worked with students small and students big. Teaching English, although challenging, just excites me to the point I am oozing with the possibility of actually being accepted to teach overseas. If the MFA program didn't work out, there has to be a reason. This could be that reason. Or moving to LA, but I am opting for the more adventurous one.

Fingers are crossed.

I had a dream last night.

I can't say that it was a happier time, because the life that I am currently living is fun and happy too. But it did make me feel nostalgic. Nostalgic because it was how it used to be when I was a freshman in college, up to where I was a junior.

It was during those times because I was talking with people that I have not seen since that time. Believe me it was interesting to see those faces again.

It was my birthday party and we were celebrating in the garage like we always do. Everyone of my friends that were close to me were there. There was the one that didn't have a baby yet, one that wasn't pregnant. The ones that were still talking to each other, and the underage drinking going around.

When my other two friends came over, I knew I was dreaming. These two have not talked to each other in years. That's how I knew that I was dreaming. He was smiling and holding a poorly gift wrapped object while the other one smiled somberly and handed me a smaller present. The happiness upon seeing both of them still talking was the last thing I remember.

It made me reminisce about the old times, when I would tell people, "Hey, movie night at my place you in?" and everyone would be running down the street or driving up in their cars getting ready to veg out on the couch and just enjoy a movie.

My only question is, where did that urge to hang out go? Where did the friendship go? Is this what happens when you grow up?

It makes me sad more than anything, because I really do love hosting movie nights and seeing old faces. I just miss that.

Senate Material?

I have a meeting today for the Senate Council at my school. Did you not hear? I was elected to be a part of the religious committee for the Senate this year. My senior year. Yay.

Notice the lack of enthusiasm that should have followed after the 'yay.' There was none.

I don't think of me as being a big time involver with any school activities. On the contrary, I am more along the sidelines, hearing what the big whoop is all about.

Now I have to come up with a project that I still don't know what to do. I want to say that I want to jumpstart a program that revolves around writing and reading, but I doubt anyone would want to do that so late in the year. Maybe that could have been something to do in the beginning of the year to have it finalized and fixed by now.

I think the other reason that I am not as involved as others is because I don't dorm. I would rather stay at home and just work on what I need to here.

I didn't think college would just swing by like it did. But it has. And I don't regret it.

I do sometimes. But not as often as others. I really just want to claim my independence and see just how hard (or easy) my life is going to be.

Oh well, back to planning.

Headaches

I thought that my headache would go away if I ate a banana. It didn't.

I thought it would go away if I drank some water. It didn't.

I thought it would go away if I stepped outside. It didn't.

I thought it would go away if I wrote about it. It's not.

I believe that it was the coffee that I decided to drink today. Instead of the green tea that was being offered. Now, in retrospect, I regret not taking a green tea to pour into the hot water I could have gotten from my work place.

I just knew that it started to hurt (my head did) while I was drinking the last bit of coffee that was staining the white mug I brought to school today. Upon the first sip I thought it was too strong and needed a little sugar. But, being that I am a lazy at heart I just gulped it down in that bitter fashion. Bitter gulp after gulp.

Now, my head is spiraling out of control. There are these little instances it hits me like a boxer hits a punching bag, and I am that said punching bag. Other times, I am mellowed and calmly relaxed.

I feel my muscles tensing from time to time, and it feels like my fingers are developing a mind of their own because they are typing too fast for me to even begin establishing comprehensible thoughts. But, they also are beginning to write with errors so I still need to go back and correct their error in spelling.

I went outside and stayed on the steps and let the sun soak in my sweater. It's too cold in my work place, so that was a nice change. The dark navy sweater warmed my back up a ton, but it still didn't dissuade the headache from leaving me completely.

As I stayed in that spot letting the Vitamin D work its way into my skin, I noticed a bumble bee. Not a wasp, because they look orange and yellow. This was a bumble bee because it was fuzzy (I was that close to it), it was black and it was yellow.

My first instinct was to kill it if it came too close. And by close I mean a foot between my sandal and it. But it didn't, luckily, or else I would be wanted for murder in the first degree. I was just awaiting the subpoena papers that were going to present itself in a buggy fashion. Or would it be an insectly fashion?

The bee was rotating within itself; it didn't move from the step it seemed to have been stuck on. I just casually thought, 'just fly away bee. Why don't you fly away?'

I didn't give it much thought that it could have been hurt, its wings were damaged, or it was drunk and didn't know the way home. Maybe he had an abusive queen bee in the hive and he was not looking forward to returning. Maybe he was drunk off his honey nectar that he collected that day as he was pollinating the rest of the flowers.

Or maybe, and this thought I believed most to be true, was that it had a searing headache from drinking too much bitter coffee.

I knew exactly how it felt.

Never can say good bye

I have clothes in my closet and drawers that have been there since I was a freshmen in high school. I am soon to be a graduate in college with a Bachelor's in English writing. To say that I have a hard time getting rid of some clothes is an understatement.

I don't know what it is about my old clothes that gives me a hard time to throw into a black garbage bag and slump it away into the garage forgotten. They are clothes that I have ripped (like the edges of my jeans are always ripped because they are too long), no longer fit me (because obviously I have gained a tiny bit of weight), or I have no more use for them.

And now, I have a hoodie that I got my senior year of high school that has the majority of all these aforementioned problems.

I received my black 2008 hoodie in 2008 (if you can believe that) and wore that hoodie to no end. I was always kept warm and tightly snug in it, and it never gave me any problems.

Until I ripped it in my sister's gate.

That menacing death trap grabbed a hold of me and my hoodie, and like a martyr it buffered me and was wounded in the process.

That was the first hit it received.

Next, I started noticing that it was slowly peeling away at the pocket, like the stitching has had enough and decided to retreat and rebel. Soon, things were falling out of that pocket to the point where I couldn't trust my hoodie to hold my things anymore. I was saddened but still wanted to keep it around. The elastic was still strong.

But now, every time I place it over my head, the hole seems smaller. And when it is time to yank it off, it's like my head grew three sizes that night, like the grinch's heart expanded. It actually hurts to pull off my hoodie over my head now.

So, now that it is causing me pain because it no longer fits, because it's ripping, and because it is no longer useful, I have decided that it was time to throw it away.

"Can I throw it away for you?" my mother asked me when I got home from school yesterday. I told her that I was going to throw away my precious hoodie and she showed no remorse like I was exemplifying all week. On the contrary, she hates that I wear that infernal black glob that just makes me look fatter.

"No, I am going to throw it away," I said. And even as I said it. I just knew that it will take me a while.

I still haven't thrown it away. Granted, I haven't really been home to actually be sprucing up my room and such. But I know the reason.

It's just so hard to say good bye to something that you had for a total of four years. For a total of any years.

I never can say goodbye. And actually mean it. Because I know that I don't want it to be the last thing. The last moment. The last of anything. I want things to last a while.

Maybe that's why I still haven't thrown away much of anything. I just leave them in the garage and with time forget about them. I don't do the dumping. My mom does.

And she loves getting rid of old things that don't matter anymore.

Maybe I should just move on and buy me a new hoodie. One that she will undoubtedly hate.

I'm thinking a crazy scream out loud color. Like Pink. With my school's logo on it.

Let's see how long this one will last.

Are you asking for a challenge?

I was talking to my friend about what I am thinking about giving up for lent. I know I am not a true Catholic at heart, but I know that I like to participate in certain types of events. I told her I was thinking about giving up more than just my routine of fast food, candy, soda, and chips.

"I'm thinking about giving up media devices," I told her. We went to Johnny's Burgers which is a few minutes from our school to devour some much needed burgers that I have been deprived of for a few weeks already. I slipped the last morsel of food into my mouth and didn't even bother savoring it as I pushed the white plate of chili cheese fries in front of me.

"Media?" she said.

"Yeah, like all the media type of things. Internet, Tumblr, Facebook, television, maybe movies. I am thinking of going full on Amish," I told her.

I kept thinking about it and the more that I began thinking about it the more that it actually got me thinking. Can I actually get away with going 40 plus days without any type of media?

I think there can be a way to secularize myself from anything that is considered media. I just don't know how it would go. I know that I would want to dedicate my time to reading more and writing out a ton more things. I think maybe carrying around my camera and whatnot.

I actually never gave it much thought to the whole phone business. Would I be carrying it around with me or would I have to leave it because it is also considered to be technology?

I just think that I focus too much on internet and media, as I can see as I am typing it up in humor writing class instead of actually paying attention.

This whole dependency is what is making me want to decide it more and more to think that this might actually be a good idea. I just need to find the ground rules and identifying the thin line.

Is it weird for me to think that this might actually be a fun idea? Can I actually pull this off?

I think so...

A few slaps on the wrist

The first time that I ever got in trouble in a classroom was when I stabbed my best friend Danielle in kindergarten. From what I remember, Mrs. Bradshaw scolded me and I remember crying into her chest, knowing that I did a bad thing. The second time that I remember getting in trouble was when I wrote "bad words" on a note and my teacher from sixth grade got a hold of it. She sent it to my mother that same day (or called her, I don't remember, but I do know that she got the message) and I cried then too. There was another time when I was in high school, and my English teacher caught me passing notes. From what my friends tell me, I turned a bright shade of red that would make roses jealous. Now, in my senior year of college, I got in trouble again. But only this time I didn't cry, or turn red, or displayed any type of emotion. I honestly didn't care. Therefore I answered that I honestly didn't know. It made me realize that as you get older, nothing really matters when it comes to getting into trouble. They won't do anything to harm you. It's just a slap on the wrist. Trust me, the redness will fade.

Demands

Today, I was demanded by my professors to type up paragraph after paragraph about three pages that I had to read. You know, there is just so much that a person can actually b.s. throughout the quarter. I just feel about tuckered out.

Not to mention the fact that I am cramping up from stapling too much. Oh the demands are great but the fact that I am blessed with a job, as Max Weber would claim is being a good Protestant, I have to pull it off.

Working keeps me happy, because there is money going into my wallet and bank accounts. I could especially use the money now because I have just spent 25 dollars for my brother. But then again, I got a really cool necklace out of it.

Sic Parvis Magna: Greatness comes from Small Beginnings. For the Uncharted lovers out there, you know what I am talking about.

I believe this to be true.

If you have an ounce of confidence, you can do anything. I just finished typing up a book report without reading a book. I just browsed through people's review pages and whatnot. Trust me, if there was a wiki page that would have been the first that I would have searched and scratched.
I wish I would have had time to read it though. In the reviews they talk about the fascination of the south and how Campbell (the author) and his brother Joe are trying to make a living after the war breaking out and just overcoming the Great Depression. I'm never going to deny a book that it is good without actually reading them (Do not get me started on those Twilight books).
I think it must have been fascinating to go through the ups and down the reviews say that Will and Joe underwent. And maybe when it's vacation time I will grab the urge to read it. But, what I was trying to get to is, be confident in writing. I have to much of it thanks to the primping of the writing classes that they have here at school. But I have to say, I no longer use words like probably, kind of, supposedly, and more than anything ALMOST, unless I must.
You have no idea the strength that can come from a person's mouth (or from a mind if you are not speaking) that can demonstrate the ability of being superior in writing just by eliminating simple and unecessary words.
Okay, that's enough of that. Time to edit that book report.

Second day went....

Well in the workforce and classes (so excited for screenwriting class!). But the one thing that I had trouble with was my friend Michelle. She is a beautiful person but her punctuality is a little off.

But in the end, the quest for a book $5 less than the price and annotated for me will be a good investment... At least I hope it was.

Drips

I donated blood today. My first time too.
At first for some weird reason I was a bit scared. For one, a needle is going inside me, taking out blood, which is going out of my body. It was just terrifying to even think of when I give out blood samples when I am at the doctor's.
So Rosie and I walked straight into the student center as soon as we were done with breakouts, hoping to get the whole draining of blood over with as quick as possible. Our appointment was at 12:15, so getting there early would mean us getting out early right?
Wrong, we had to wait for the people in charge of the blood drive to direct us where we needed to go. We walked straight from one station to another, interrogated, pricked on our middle fingers to check iron levels, and finally motioned to lay down and begin the drainage.
My blood pressure was surprisingly low, lower than 120 beats when it was stolic, and less than 80 when it was diastolic.
I think the only time it really hurt was when the needle went into my arm. The constant squeezing of the tiny heart in my hand kept me from thinking about anything that was going on. And I wanted to honestly sleep on that flat bed, it wasn't comfortable or anything like that, I was just really tired.
It was all over in a matter of minutes. And the woman that took my blood even let me hold it and take a picture with it. I smiled from ear to ear and posted the pic on my tumblr. I really felt accomplished.
But now, I am sporting a minor headache, and water is filling my gut to the point that I feel like I am going to pop like a cell does when it has too much water in it (I think that's called hypotonic, thank you biology for being useful... sometimes).
Would I do it again? Would I give blood to save three more lives?
Yes, even if it gives me a huge headache. Because of this reason and this reason alone: There may come a time when I'll be needing someone else's blood, and I hope there are other selfless people out there to scratch my back when I need it.
Plus, they give out free food and a t shirt afterwards. And I love free stuff. :P

Pride

If there is one thing I can be proud of, it would be the fact that I just overcame an obstacle of epic proportions. That's right, Biology.
I was never the sharpest tool when it came to such a subject, but I needed to apply myself or else face another failing exam. I couldn't have that on my conscience.
So, after a fun night out of trick or treating, I applied myself, reading my biology notes, memorizing formulas, terms, and numbers of ATPs. It was a tiring night, but I memorized enough for a good night's sleep.
The following morning (which was today in the morning), I arose, fresh faced and ready to continue my studying streak, jotting down quick notes to further enhance my memory about it. Breaking a sweat did not come as easily as expected. I managed to drive with precision as I swerved from lane to lane to arrive around ten minutes early to have a quick cramming session.
Then when the test was placed on my short desk handle (because I'm gonna be honest. That is not a desk. Not even close. It's just a stupid handle that cant even hold a full spiral notebook.), I recognized the questions and answered with terms that I didn't even recognize. My hand had a mind of it's own as it wrote down the formulas, the terms. And when I reached the question that demanded the citric acid cycle I wanted to punch that professor in the face. He told us not to worry about the citric acid cycle!
To say that my confidence felt shattered was an understatement. I wanted to just throw in the towel right then and there. But then something happened. I continued answering other questions that I knew about, reading one after another that demanded. I supplied.
In closing, I picked up my test, more than half of the questions answered and bid that place that is known as Cossentine Hall room 100 adieu.
My held was higher than a giraffe's.

They don't dance?!?

Just found out today that Seventh Day Adventists don't dance. I also learned that they don't wear jewelry, can't eat certain spices, must dress appropiately and certainly don't drink alcohol or do drugs.

I can understand the drinking and the drugs, but no dancing or wearing jewelry will be the end of me. Lol I am not trying to bash on anyone. Whatever religion that anyone is is fine with me. I just thought it was interesting to show that originality and difference in cultures can also be expressed in religions as well.

Pastor Sam explained it that the reason they don't dance or wear jewelry is to be different from others. Well since dancing comes from just about any culture, it's explainable. But to never be able to dance or to never be able to wear jewelry must certainly be a challenge for some. I feel naked everytime I forget to wear earrings. Guess to each their own.

Midterms...

Ugh the time where I have to stay up late for study sessions and try to cram so much into my head until I feel like I can explode! I swear they expect us to know so much and yet in so little time to do it!

The only good thing about this week is no English class, I start work tomorrow with my lil kiddies, and I just need to worry about passing biology. Can you say headaches?

I just want to get this over with because sickness and midterms are not really what I would call as fun. I would like to see someone tell me that is fun, so I can convince them otherwise... Or just punch them in the face. Whichever comes to my head first.

And with halloween just around the corner I am hoping to get all better! Parties, laughter, and more good times. :)

Theblahblahstudyoflifeblahto...

I just passed all morning in Biology only to have everything go in one ear and out the other. Basically I just need a good nights sleep. And flu season flying around is not helping me since I easily succumb to sickness. :-/
The only thing that kept me awake was Rosie passing notes about food to me. I sure am hungry!!! :)

日本語

These are the only letters phrasing through my head rite now. I have a test tomorrow for Japanese. And instead of doing other sets of homework I'm just locked up in my room with katakana in one hand and hiragana in the other hand. Not that I'm complaining I love Japanese! Can't wait to go back to Little Tokyo in downtown LA! I feel as though I'm one step away from where I am gonna go one day! :)